A Leap Into Faith IIII

It was a picture of my boyfriend with 2 different girls, he was talking to one while embracing the other holding her tight. I felt dizzy and sat down, ‘ you’re lying this is an old photo.’ It only took him 5 min to reply but it felt like an hour. ‘If you don’t believe me ask him yourself' and in that same second my phone rang and I quickly picked up. ‘Hello?’ And that was when my heart sank deep , I heard him laughing, I heard his laugh but that wasn’t me with him, it wasn’t me making him laugh. I did not hang up and I heard him say it ‘Hey, wanna go grab something to eat?’ The girl replied ‘Oh so its a date?’ And he just said: ‘its whatever you want to call it sweet face.’ I threw my phone against a wall and I knew it was broken but I did not care. All I could think about was what the girl said, he went out on a date. A freaking girl. A nobody. suddenly I heard the sound of a notification, I ran there without realizing it. They were screenshots between my ‘boyfriend’ and ‘best friend’. He was telling him that I approached him and if something was wrong and then he told him I confessed my feelings to him and then they had a plan to play around with me. I thought i had all this in my hands. I thought I was the puppeteer turns out i’m just the puppet. How did this happen? How did I freaking allow it to happen? Did I just hit rock bottom? I felt disgusted at where I got. At how I got there. The worst part was, the person that got me there was the closest person to me a few months back and it broke my heart. I started hitting myself so hard I almost hurt myself. Then I snapped out of it trying to collect myself I was hardly breathing and had a full on panic attack. I calmed myself down and was feeling normal again. This time I felt numb. Tears just rolled down my face silently. I felt stupid and naive. I remembered the last text he sent ‘Thats what you get for trying to mess with me and play with fire, take this as a lesson and never ever think that something like this would work on me and hurt me. I’ve got good people around me and i won’t allow myself to get hurt by you.’ I clenched my fist as I took a deep breath trying to have another meltdown. I had to strike back, I’ve got nothing to lose at this point unlike him. I got up, washed my face and started thinking. How? How can I do this without him suspecting anything? I held my broken phone and texted him: ‘I am so sorry I just did this to get your attention I just value what we have whatever you want it to be can we meet?’ He replied at the same minute: ‘You think I’m stupid?’ I thought about it for aa minute and then texted ‘I literally lost everything i have no one and you know that, please i really need you now more than ever.’ ‘where?’ A smile grew on my face he was falling for it. ‘Where ever I just need to vent please.’ ‘Come over.’ I went to his place at first i thought about getting some pepper spray or something but physical pain doesn’t even mount to what kind of pain I wanted him to feel, to the pain I am feeling now because of him. I went to him wearing a shirt that he liked on me and went there with no fear. I had eye drops that I put in my eyes right before going in. I ran to him and said: ‘I don’t know why I did what I did but I’m just stupid without you clyde.’ ‘Its ok bonnie, at least now you know better not to do that again.’ ‘All I did was tell you I had feelings for you, snd you insisted on pushing me, why?’ ‘Because I had to make sure you will never have feelings for me and I did’t like how stupid you were. oh and nice shirt by the way.’ I wanted to rip his head off of his body and torture him in every way possible but I didn't. Instead I smiled and said: 'I get it now, you were looking out for me.' He nodded and gestured me to come in. 


Fast forward to a few wakes later:
    Everything was going according to plan and he didn't even suspect a thing. We were back to being best friends and better than ever. I was doing everything he likes about a girl, everything that attracts him. Hanging out more. We had longer phone calls in which I made him feel like I didn't want to talk. I made myself seem unavailable and busy because I knew he liked girls that never seem to want him. I can sense a change of heart and I was happy about it. He finally admitted it. 'So you seem kinda changed.' I acted dumb 'Who? Me?' 'Yeah I don't know something about you is different.' I knew this wasn't love but it was enough to hurt him a little. 'I don't know, I don't think so.' he coughed and said: 'Soooo, um I was thinking about going out.' 'Oh cool, who's coming? 'Well I was hoping it was going to be just the both of us.' 'Eww no it'll feel like a date, I don't think its a good idea.' I felt his breath getting heavier 'Who said it was? We're just two buddies hanging out.' 'Oh, you think so?' 'How many times do I have to say I'm not interested?' I knew he was bluffing because he wasn't angry. 'Ok sure but where?' He chose somewhere fancy and that was where he takes every girl he has a thing for. I didn't show up, I just stood him up. He blew up my phone and I just chose not to pick up. When I finally called him back I told him I didn't feel well and so he said he'll take me out again on some other night. He sounded furious, he was about to explode and I liked that feeling of empowerment. You see he didn't believe in love but when he liked a girl he gets clingy, vulnerable and gets too invested in her and I guess at that moment I was that girl. And that was how I got back at him.