The student has become the master

They say making others happy will give you this good empowering feeling. They never talked about how you feel when you don't feel like you're cared about. Like you're some kind of rubbish. This emptiness inside, this void that no one can fill. The act of kindness you do for others and hope someone does it for you one day but thats not your main purpose of it. The things you do, the things you say, the days you memorize hoping you'll never forget anyone or anything, why don't i feel like someone is doing it back? Why am i among a lot of people yet i feel alone? I'm surrounded yet i sit there on the floor hugging my knees closing my eyes because i can't handle how fake people can be. How every thing they do or say is a lie, a big fat lie. And the lies never seem to end. Show me what i am to you. I don't wanna make you feel like you own me, like you're my world. I don't wanna give you my full attention when obviously all i can get from you is a look. A word if you were having a good day. Is it so hard for you to be honest? Show me affection. Show me love. Teach me how to feel right. I'm still learning and i can't control how i feel. Teach me how to hate. Teach me how to hold a grudge. Teach me how to isolate myself and not care about others when they only seem to care about themselves. I can't control my heart. I don't wanna make people happy if it ends up breaking me, giving me nothing but misery. Make me cold. Make me as cold as ice so i won't have blood running through my veins, so my heart doesn't have to function. I wanna be the tin man. Take me to the wizard. He'll know how to fix me. Take me to Oz. I'll follow the yellow brick road. I'll go to Emerald city. I don't wanna feel anymore. I don't need another fight. Another battle. I want my brain to win for once. It tells me to not give a shit. It tells me masks can be bought. They can be easily worn. You can be whoever you wanna be with words, get away with anything. Tears seem to be an easy accessory just to match whatever story you just made up. Just to fuck me up. Just to make me feel guilt. Just to make the story more believable. They stream down your cheeks on queue. Stop bullshitting me. I'm done believing. I'm done feeling. The student has become the master.